MY CHROMOSOMAL VARIATION–XO/XY MOSAICISM
As a preface to this “medical biography” of my life I want to say first that I forgive my mother Virginia Lee Hall for what she did. My mother had many difficult things thrown at her in life which she didn’t handle well, and I was one of them. She didn’t want me in the first place after divorcing my father, and when I came out of the womb a hermaphrodite her first thought was to just give me up for adoption. My grandmother said she told the doctor, “Take it away. I don’t want to see it”. I don’t know if she ever even held me or looked at me after I was born. My grandmother would not allow her to give me up and offered to take me till she had time to clear her head on the matter. It took my mother three months, but she finally took me home with her. I was born in April and she made the decision to have me surgically “fixed” at 8 months later in December. The female parts were taken away and I was to be raised a boy.
In Judaism we are taught that re-incarnation is foundational to our faith. We are told that we generally do not remember our past lives as before we are born an angel touches our lips and the memories of the many past lives we have had are then hidden behind a veil. For some people, for some reason this veil is lifted. In my years of study of re-incarnation I have learned that children from the time they are babes up till age 5 can have clear memories of their past lives, but then those memories began to slowly fade. I am suddenly reminded how there is also a certain magic to childhood that begins to fade too as we grow past our primary years. I’ve always referred to it as the passing of “the magic of the sandbox” as I used to be able to play for hours on end in the sandbox, making little villages and roads, a whole tiny little world that would so magically capture my imagination that it was like being in some magical euphoric state. After about age 6 or 7 that fairy dust began to fade and I mourned it’s loss.
I’m not a prideful person. In fact, I am greatly humble and humbled by my Creator who has given me a great blessing in this lifetime being born a hermaphrodite. I didn’t always feel that way. When my status was first revealed to me I rejected it and tried to move on with the life I had and all the plans I had that didn’t involve considering why I was born that way. It took me 15 years to let my XO/XY Mosaicism chromosome status set on the back burner on low heat. Only once in a blue moon would I dare to lift the lid off that pot and give things a stir. I figured what good would the knowledge do me now? Why cry over spilled milk, as the saying goes? What was done was done, and I couldn’t go back. I had to deal with the cards in my hand now, not with whatever cards were originally on the table when the game of life began.
In my humility before G-d my Creator I am not saying I am better than most humans, but certainly Adonai Alaheinu YHVH has created me superior to the average male or female human being. Being born as both male and female in one body is the same way the first Adam (man) was created by our heaven father.
Let me quickly take a quick minute to address the re-incaranation issue for folks that don’t believe in re-incarnation. Open your Bible and read about Jacob before his name was changed to Yisrael. The Bible states that G-d physically incarnated into human form and physically wrestled with Jacob and he survived. After that point he was renamed and forever known as Yisrael, father of the twelve tribes of Israel. Now, if G-d incarnated into human form then, that means when He incarnated into human form one more time to become His only begotten son Yashua the Messiah then that is defined as a “re-incarnation”. Without re-incarnation we would have no Savior and Christianity would have no Jesus. Christianity would not exist. Period. Yashua even declared that John the Baptist, His cousin through His mother Maria, that John himself was the re-incarnation of Elijah the prophet. He also taught of re-incarnation when he sent the blind man to the baptismal pool of Siloam to immerse himself 7 times and he received his sight. It’s a shame how many false teachers in Christianity will deny re-incarnation in their ignorance, AND TO THEIR DESTRUCTION! Wow!
As far as re-incarnation goes, whether I chose this special blessed life or it was assigned to me for these last of the Last Days of humanity before the destruction of all who do not respect and obey YHVH I cannot say. All I can say is I feel very honored and blessed AND very joyful to be such a special creation brought forth “for such a time as this”.
GENESIS 1:26 “And Elohim/Allahim created Adam in His image, in the image of Allahim He created him; male ” [zakhar] and female [nekeivah] (He created them).” [the words “He created them” are not in the Hebrew text, but added by translators that give a false impression that the text is speaking to a “them”referencing Adam and Havah (Eve) as the them, but that is not so. “Them/they” is the gender pronoun G-d used to describe Adam who He created both male and female in one body similar to how YHVH Himself formed me in the womb intersexed.
PSALMS 139:16 “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
JERMEYAHU 18:4 “But the vessel that he was shaping from the clay became flawed in his hand; so he formed it into another vessel, as it seemed best for him to do.”
Does not the potter have the right to make from the same lump of clay one vessel for special occasions and another for common use?
So! I AM a vessel made for a “Special Occasion”! A vessel for YHVH to use to help teach His children about the very nature of our soul which is neither male nor female. You see, in Judaism we know that souls do not have a fixed sex like the human bodies our souls are deposited into. We know also that in order for a Jew to accomplish ever Commandment of Yah (G-d) we must re-incarnate many times to fulfill each and every Commandment as some Commandments are only for women and some are only for men.
Every Jewish rabbi will tell you that “Adam” was created male and female in one body, and a “side” of Adam (not a rib bone) was separated from him to make the woman. A lot of people also do not catch that “Adam” was a special creation, while the Torah states that the woman, Havah/Eve, was not created, but “made” from a side of Adam. I know some will take that as misogynistic, but who are we to question our Creator on such a matter? As HaShem our Heaven Father declared Himself to Moses to be “I am what I am”, who am I to question my identity or try to create for myself an identity other than how YHVH made me? I’ve always heard, “G-d don’t make no junk”, but I know people will grumble and murmur about how G-d created me the same as Aaron and his sister Miriam said rude things about Moses taking an Black Ethiopian woman named “Tharbis” as a wife instead of “sticking to his own tribe”. G-d struck down Aaron and his sister Miriam for their questioning of Moses’ authority having married outside his own people to one of the cursed descendants of Ham.
It is not mine to question, but to accept joyfully my identity in YHVH in the rather undefinable way He created me. I am both male and female in one body, no matter that my mother did to try to correct that situation or what I have done. I have come to a place of acceptance that I will never be like other people born with an all male body or an all female body. I am a vessel made for a “special occasion” and that I will remain in respect of G-d’s creation.
Again, I feel very honored and very blessed. My only wish is that my mother would have been raised as an Orthodox Jewess so I would have had earlier access to all this Jewish knowledge about myself being chosen for such a special blessing, but my thought’s are not HaShem’s thoughts. He already had this all planned out to unfold just the way it did with all those rough patches along the road less traveled that I’ve been on since birth. I just beam with appreciation and happiness when I feel so honored to have been chosen like I have been.
We know that the average male has an XY chromosome pattern that has the male Y and the female X. I hate to use the word “normal”, but all normal males are naturally a mixture of male/female with the X & Y while the female who is XX is a non-intersexed being. Our Heavenly Father has both the divine attributes of male and female and this is why the Torah says Adam was made in the image of Allahim. “Let Us make Adam in our image”. All rather interesting, huh?
At 11:05pm on Monday the 13th of April 1964 I exited my mother’s womb and she never wanted to see me again because the doctors didn’t know what sex I was. When the doctors returned with a diagnosis they told her I had a chromosomal condition called XO/XY Mosaicism and for that reason I was born as what is medically called a male pseudo hermaphrodite. In the former version of this website I had gone into explicit detail about the uniqueness of my body and the surgeries that were done to me as a baby, but for the hope of keeping this website G-rated I’ve taken that stuff off the site. You can Google the condition and get the details. The G-rated version is at 8 months the surgeons removed the female parts and left the male parts and there was the hope I’d grow up as a boy who was none the wiser.
Because my mother didn’t want me when I popped out of the womb as something she didn’t understand I went straight home from the hospital to my grandmother’s home. My mother finally took me home after three months of bonding with my grandmother. That had to be a difficult separation for the both of us, but I don’t remember it and was never told about it till I was an adult seeking answers about my body. Later in life, about the age of 12, and more than once, my mother seemed to take some pleasure in telling me that “when she brought me home I cried for six months”. I never quite understood why she would have told me such a thing. At the time I had no knowledge of my side journey to Grandma’s house for my first 3 months and the separation anxiety that must have taken place. Because she didn’t tell me those details I was perplexed because I simply understood that all babies cry to communicate their needs till they learn to speak, so I just thought she was trying to tell me I was an unusually difficult baby. It it did became clear till later in life just what my mother had been eluding to till my grandmother revealed to me she cared for me from birth till 3 months and all the circumstances surrounding it. Understanding child psychology, at 3 months I was stripped from the arms of the only mother I knew and was put with someone who was a stranger to me. It’s no wonder my crying seemed out of the ordinary for six months after my psychologically ignorant mother took me home to be with her. She took from a loving environment to an unloving environment with someone, her, that I didn’t know even though I’d lived in her womb for 9 months. I know for a fact that babies in the womb understand things and perhaps I was in fear of her because of things in felt in the womb before birth? I knew a couple once that the father was abusive to the mother and when the baby came out it was always scared of the father’s voice, the voice of abuse and physical violence to the mother. I wonder how that father/son relationship developed with such a shaky start.
So, why did our Heavenly father bring me into the world this way? I’m sure the man who was born blind that Yashua healed of his blindness at the Mikvah baptismal pool called “The Pool of Siloam” also asked why he was born stricken with blindness. It is written that everybody knew this begging blind man and all were astonished that he was healed by someone named Yashua. The apostles asked Yashua, “Rabboni, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Yashua, “but this happened so that the work of Allah might be displayed“, making reference to the miracle of giving the blind man his sight.
What is most important to learn from the blind man’s healing was that Yashua and His apostles were speaking about re-incarnation which is foundational to Judaism. The deceived Christian church world doesn’t see this and if ever asked about re-incarnation they say, “They don’t teach that in my church. Re-incarnation is of the Devil”. I always ask people if they don’t believe in re-incarnation then how can they believe that our Heavenly Father Himself did just that when He placed His incorporeal Being into the human body of Yashua and became “Emmanuel, Allah/Eloha (G-d) with us”.
I think about the potter scripture in the Book of Jeremiah that says the original pot being formed was marred in the hands of the potter and so the potter remade the vessel as he saw fit, even a special occasion vessel. Is that what I am, an special occasion vessel? Seems like that is what the Scripture says. A special occasion vessel for such a time as this.
I will continue to write more about my life story here as time permits, but I hesitate to talk so much about me because I am but dust and it is not I that lives, but the Messiah Yahu’sha who lives in me that is important. I am but His humble servant.
THANK YOU FOR READING. If you wish to contact me with comments or question please email me at:
CompassionThinker (at) Gmail (dot) Com